GETTING READY FOR THE HIGH HOLY DAYS: 5775

GETTING READY FOR THE HIGH HOLY DAYS: 5775

Because I am in the middle of moving—I know, who moves during the High Holy Days? Well, apparently a lot of people, and this year, I am one of them! But, I digress, I had a whole High Holy Day program partially written, beginning with Selichot and ending with Simchat Torah. Unfortunately, the move got in the way and I never finished writing the piece. Instead we will pick up with the Yamim Noraim, or Days of Awe and Yom Kippur. Come back next year and I will take you through the whole cycle!

Whether you are Jewish or not, preparing for the High Holy Days is not an easy feat. My suggestion is always to start small and decide on one or two ways that you and your family will observe and celebrate the beginning of the cycle of a new Jewish year. The High Holy Days are actually several holidays combined together, for now we will focus on the interim days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, also known as the Day of Atonement.

Yamim Noraim or Days of Awe

The days between Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) and Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement) are known as the Days of Awe. These are the ten days set aside for repentance and reflection prior to Yom Kippur when we return to our respective houses of worship and ask God for forgiveness for the sins and shortcomings of our behavior in the previous year. The most poignant part of the days is that it isn’t enough to simply reflect on our words, actions and behavior; we must make amends for whatever wrongs we have perpetrated on others. We are taught that before we can be forgiven, we must request forgiveness of those whom we have wronged. It is, however, not our responsibility if they refuse to accept our apologies; it is only incumbent upon us to offer such apologies sincerely.

YOM KIPPUR

Also known as the Day of Atonement, Yom Kippur is the holiest of days in the Jewish calendar. It is one of the fast days of the Jewish year and requires a complete fast of every able-bodied person from sundown on Kol Nidre (the evening before Yom Kippur) until sundown the following day.  The entire day is spent in prayer and contemplation besides the fasting. It is a very powerful day if one focuses fully with kavannah or intentionality.  With that in mind, here are some questions you might have:

Y  How do I teach my children the basic principles of Yom Kippur? These seem like pretty heavy ideas?  Children are quick to understand concepts that adults struggle with when presented in ways that are appropriate for their ages. One of the best books I have found for Yom Kippur is The Hardest Word: A Yom Kippur Story by Jacqueline Jules. It is available on Amazon and is also a PJ Library Book http://www.pjlibrary.org. It is a simple story that tackles some of the most difficult concepts on a level that is appropriate for young children. I have also used it for older children by changing the suggested activities and making it more interactive. My experience is that if you engage your children in a conversation about the context of the story, you can extend the age appropriateness of the story. Try it with your family and see how they respond. Let me know in the comment section; I would really like to know if this book works for you!

Y  What should I do about taking my children to services? Be sincere; don’t try to do too much. If you have children who find it difficult to sit while you read to them before bedtime, you might want to try a children’s service that is shorter rather than taking them to a traditional service that last several hours. You want exposure to be positive not negative.

Y  Should I take off work for the day? My response is “Yes, if at all possible take the day off.” Our culture is geared toward Christian holidays and nobody even thinks twice about being off for Christmas or asking for time off on Good Friday to go to church. But, asking for time off for Yom Kippur? Somehow we become paralyzed when people will learn that we are Jewish. I hope you are able to take the day—restore your spirit and soul and you will be thankful you did.

Y  Should I take my kids out of school for the day? My answer to this is an unequivocal YES! If you are raising Jewish children, and you want them to have a connection to Judaism and to be engaged in Jewish living, thinking and learning, then you have to make participating in the holiday cycle a priority. It isn’t always easy, your decision to pull your child out of school for a day may not be popular with school administration, but in the end, it’s the right decision for your family. (Refer to my September 4 post about talking with school administration.) Even if you ultimately decide sitting in services is not right for your children, you can have a meaningful day together learning about forgiveness and what it means to begin anew each year.

Y  Should my children be fasting and if so, what is the appropriate age? Each child is different and thus should be treated as an individual. Children are not expected to fast until they reach Bat/Bar Mitzvah age—which is 13 and the point at which they take on the obligations of a Jewish adult. Some are able to fast at age 13, others are not. You have to decide what is appropriate for your child. Keep in mind that most children emulate their parents; if you are fasting they will likely want to join you in your fast. Here are some tips I used with my family as our children grew up:

Y  Start small—when our children were young we would stop after Erev (Evening) Rosh Hashanah services for a milk shake on the way home. After Kol Nidre services on Yom Kippur we didn’t stop for milk shakes. Of course the first few years the boys wanted to know why, so we explained that Yom Kippur was a day of fasting and prayer and it would not be appropriate to have a milk shake after services. Instead, we had our milk shake following Break Fast the next day. It became a meaningful tradition for our family and taught them a valuable lesson about fasting.

Y  Because we lived a long way from our congregation, we couldn’t go home between services. On Rosh Hashanah, we went out to eat and it was a great treat. On Yom Kippur, I packed a small cooler with simple food—peanut butter and cheese sandwiches, apples, oranges, juice, and carrot and celery sticks. When they got hungry they could go to the car and get something to eat. They could go as often as they wanted, but I wouldn’t take them out to eat. I also didn’t bring chips, candy, cookies or anything that was considered a “treat”. They got the message and understood that this day was different than all other days. Before they became Bar Mitzvah they were fasting (until I discovered that one of them simply couldn’t fast without getting sick—that was counterintuitive—I made sure he drank some orange juice at least or broke his fast before he got sick).  

WHAT IS BREAK-THE-FAST AND WHY ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE COMING TO OUR HOUSE?

Ah, yes, another tradition everybody forgot to tell you about. Well, it’s like this: after fasting for the past 25 hours (24 aren’t good enough, we have to make sure the sun has set so we go the extra hour), everyone is starving and needs to eat. And, just because we may have spent the past 12 hours praying together, we aren’t quite finished with one another. So, we come together to eat….. Take heart, nobody expects one person to do all the preparation anymore, and simple food will do nicely. In most communities you can order trays of food that will be delivered the day before (bagels, lox, whitefish, fruit, and sweets). All you have to do is set everything out when you get home and sit back and watch people devour whatever you put in front of them. Don’t hesitate to ask people to bring dishes of their favorite holiday foods—this is a great trick if you don’t know how to cook kugel, bake challah, or make most of the ritual foods. Simply assign those to someone who does and you will make a new friend!

The one item you must pay attention to is whether you have people who keep Kosher; if you do, please be sure to consult someone for help so you don’t accidentally mix foods that shouldn’t be served together. If you are uncertain, contact me at http://info@interfaithlifecoaching.com and I will help guide you through the process. It can be a slippery slope but with the right preparation you can do this like a pro!

WHY DOES THE CALENDAR SAY 5775?

Calculating the birth of the world is a time-honored tradition that many rabbis attempted. Perhaps the best known and most popular is the one developed by Rabbi Yossi ben Halafta, a sage of the second century C.E. (Common Era).  Rabbi ben Halafta followed the practice of other rabbis and scholars in creating a timeline through the Hebrew Bible using the Exodus narrative and chronology of the texts to establish the beginning of creation. However, he refined his process to a specific day and time.

Those who take the texts literally believe the world began 5775 years ago come September; the rest consider it a figurative date. To read more about this visit this link: http://www.myjewishlearning.com/holidays/About_Holidays/Types_of_Holidays/Fiveyearcalendar/CountingJewishYear.shtml?p=2.

Come back next week and I will (hopefully) have posted information about Sukkot, Simchat Torah and Shimini-Atzeret! In the interim, may you have a meaningful fast and may the Days of Awe be a time of illumination and enlightenment for you.

L'Hitraot,

Margaret

THE INTERFAITH CENTER

Teaching the Teachers

 

September 4, 2014

When it comes to creating the right school environment for our children, we will do whatever we can to ensure their needs are being met. We research neighborhoods and communities before deciding where to buy homes and often base those decisions on the quality of the schools. For those who choose not enroll their children in the public schools, much deliberation is goes into deciding which private school is the best fit for your family. Unless you are contemplating a school associated with your particular religion, you may not have given much thought to how the topic of your family’s faith tradition will be impacted by your decision, until you give notice that your children will be absent for a holiday. Suddenly, you are the expert and the person who must explain the need for them to miss school for a day or two. This prospect may be daunting, but stop worrying, that’s what I’m here for; the information you need is a click away at www.interfaithlifecoaching.com.

In a few easy steps by reading through this blog post and following up on some of the resources, you can have enough information to feel confident in approaching the personnel in your children’s school.

OFFER INFORMATION

What? Me? Give the teachers and principal information about Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur? I don’t even know what they mean; I have enough trouble explaining it to my parents, my husband, my wife, my kids…. How am I supposed to explain it to people at school?

Relax, this isn’t a dissertation, it’s only a few highlights about the importance of each holiday and why you want your children to be excused from school to celebrate at your synagogue with your family. There are so many resources available here are a few to get you started:

Y  If your children have started Religious School look through their materials to see what they have brought home about Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Choose a few major points like Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year and Day of Remembrance and Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement and explain that they are celebrated with prayer and fasting (in the case of Yom Kippur for adults and children over age 12) in temple. Try to make the point that your children won’t have an opportunity to do their make-up work that day as we refrain from these activities (some schools expect students to return the next day with all the work they missed completed.)

Y  Visit some websites to see what they have about the holidays. Here are a few to peruse: your congregational website, www.urj.org; www.uscj.org/, www.myjewishlearning.com, http://pjlibrary.org/ (for families with children 8 and under), www.amazon.com has hundreds of children’s books to choose from and lets you preview most of them;

Y  Try going to your public library to see if they have any children’s book on the holidays, or visit your library’s website and see what you can get from an interlibrary loan;

Y  Consider beginning your own family library, a couple of great sources are: On the Doorpost of Your House, by Chaim Stern, The How to Handbook of Jewish Living (there are three volumes or one book containing all three volumes), by Kerry M. Olitzky, Ronald H. Isaacs and Dorcas Gelabert; At Home with the Jewish Holidays, Leona Green. These are all available on www.urj.press.com or through Amazon.

SHARING A CALENDAR  

This is such a simple idea that I am embarrassed to admit that it never occurred to me when my children were growing up. But it’s such a great tool for the school administration and such a great way to be proactive. If you remember from the last blog post we talked about ways you could be proactive and what that means—this is being proactive in action. There are many calendar programs to choose from online, just make sure you choose one that shows the holidays beginning in the evening. Google, Apple and Outlook all have calendar programs that you can add to your computers, phones and pads/tablets.

Here are some good choices: http://www.hebcal.com/, http://www.printableJewishcalendar.com, http://www.creative-calendars.com/hebrew-calendar/ and my favorite, http://www.holidays.net/calendars/religions/, because it lists Jewish, Christian, Muslim, Baha’i, Wiccan, Buddhist, Hindu and Pagan.  Another great idea is to get free calendars from your congregation and distribute them to your school. Most monument companies (yes the places that make the headstones for gravesites) provide them free of charge to the synagogues; if you contact the monument companies directly and tell them why you want several, they will probably send you some.

This is a great tool for your workplace as well as your children’s school. How many times have you learned that not only a school program or sport activity is scheduled for Yom Kippur, but an important meeting is taking place the same day? Our world is oriented on a Gregorian calendar that is largely focused on Christian holidays. While it is changing to some degree, the majority of Americans still have mono vision—everybody goes to church on Sunday.

I would be remiss if I didn’t extend a word of caution at this point. There is so much information online and it is so easy to stumble upon something that looks right but might not be quite what you think it is. So, please be cautious. If you have reservations about a site, ask someone if it is legitimate or if there is a better site under your particular circumstances. If you are in an interfaith relationship, you want a website that embraces families of both faiths, doesn’t proselyte, and doesn’t have hidden agendas. If an egalitarian perspective is important to you, meaning men and women share the same roles and have equal voices in leadership, then look at websites from more progressive movements instead of very traditional ones. And, finally, there are some messianic movements that look and feel like Judaism, but are not within the scope of mainstream Judaism. This will be a discussion for another time. Confused? Email me at info@interfaithlifecoaching.com and we can talk about all of this and more!

IT’S MORE THAN A CALENDAR!

When you approach a school or your workplace with a calendar of your holy days, you are doing more than offering some information. You are taking the initiative toward changing the culture of your place of business, your children’s school and your community. It’s not easy to be a change agent, but I find it more meaningful to be an active participant than a passive observer. We live in some uncertain times and it is natural to feel that it may not be in your best interest to call attention to yourself or your children. I can understand that concern and ambivalence—you are the only one who can determine whether or not the time is right to speak up. I hope it is because the more people who step forward the better for everyone. This is true regardless of your religious affiliation, but this is a topic for another day!

While you are offering your calendar, keep in mind that many school districts and organizations plan more than one year in advance. Be forward thinking by offering a multi-year calendar that shows major holidays for up to five years. This may not be important for Christian holidays, but if you are part of a religion that operates on a lunar (Muslim and Baha’i) or modified lunar (Judaism) calendar you know holidays move each year.

Passover sometimes coincides with Easter but not always which is why spring break may fall during Passover and it may fall before or after. Ramadhan can fall anytime during the year; this is critical for school administrators to understand. If it has been on a summer cycle and you come in to talk about having your child released from lunch, they may not understand why you are asking now and not last year. From the perspective of school administrators, it is very hard to plan with a moving target so make it easier on them. Just as Interfaith Life Coaching is offering you a toolbox of resources, you can offer the same to those with whom you work, study and associate.

BEYOND THE CALENDAR!

We will talk more in the coming weeks about other ways you can become engaged in conversations that concern diversity in the schools, workplace and community. In preparation you might want to find out if your school district has a diversity council or your community a diversity awareness program. Many corporations also have programs through their human resources departments. All of these are potential areas that you can make a difference for yourself and your family. This will help you in your quest to understand your religious values and those of your partner’s while embracing faith, family and tradition.

I look forward to continuing our conversation; contact me at info@interfaithlifecoaching.com.

L’shalom,

Margaret