Friday, April 3, 2015

BE HAPPY, IT’S TIME TO CELEBRATE!

The matzah ball soup is done, the table is set, the seder plate is ready, the desserts are done, most of the food is cooked, and I have time to take a short break. One son has already arrived home; the other is on a plane heading this direction: life is good!

Whether you are celebrating Passover or Easter this weekend, hiding the afikomen or the Easter eggs, may your home be filled with the blessings of family, friends and shared traditions. Some of you may move from Passover this evening to an Easter egg hunt tomorrow, back to another Passover Seder Saturday night, then perhaps to church services with your extended family and Easter dinner Sunday.

Sometimes it is difficult to bounce between the two, and sometimes one faith tradition takes precedence over the other. In an interfaith family, you simply must learn to be flexible and take what comes. There are no hard and fast rules, and often there are no correct or wrong answers.

People will tell you that you must do “a” or “b” but in my experience every family is different, and every situation is unique. One year may work well to celebrate both holidays; another may be fine to only choose one. This year with Passover and Easter on the same weekend, if both of your families live in the same area, it will likely be difficult to only celebrate either Easter or Passover.
Whatever you decide, please do not berate yourself for your choice. Make a decision and live with that for this year; next year can take of itself. Much like Christmas/Chanukah, you may decide to celebrate one holiday in your home and go to grandparents or other relatives for the other holiday.

Judaism has a concept that fits perfectly here: keva and kavannah. Keva is about form and ritual and making certain that you are following prescribed order in worship and practice. Kavannah is about intentionality, that which is in your heart and which you bring to your practice. It is the kavannah that is important in deciding how to observe and celebrate in interfaith families. What is your intention, what is in your heart as you make your decisions about your family’s practice and observance of each holiday? So, if your children receive Easter baskets from their Christian grandparents or have an Easter egg hunt with their cousins, it’s OK. Relax and know what’s in your heart and your kavannah.
Your children will understand if you explain that this is their grandparents’ holiday and you are there to celebrate with them. If you are observing Passover and you end up eating foods that are not appropriate for Passover, resume your Passover fast when you get back home. Remember, you are doing your best—that is all any of us ever can expect from ourselves, we are not perfect.

Many years ago, our family went to Colonial Williamsburg, VA during spring break. We arrived on the 4th day of Passover. If you have ever been to Colonial Williamsburg, you know that one of the attractions is the food, specifically the amazing baked goods. The first day was all about “no, I’m sorry, it’s Passover, you can’t have that” and then I turned to my husband and told him I couldn't do this anymore, we were ending Passover early (he didn’t care, he’s not Jewish—he was amused I was even trying on vacation). I managed to last another day and then I, too, succumbed to the delicacies around me. We had an amazing vacation, but had I not made that decision, their memories would have been all about the foods they couldn't eat instead of the wonders of running around an early American village.

Passover shouldn't be about how hard it is to prepare everything or how stressful it is to get it "right". It should be about finding a way to be aware of the blessing of freedom we have as Jews in this country and in the world today, honoring our ancestors for their sacrifices, and expressing an awareness of the many people who are not so fortunate, whether they are Jewish or not. This season, may you find a few moments to be mindful of your blessings and find a way to make a meaningful contribution to your faith community with your presence and kavannah.

May you be blessed in your comings and goings this weekend and may you make memories with both sides of your family.

Chag Sameach Pesach (Happy Passover) and Happy Easter,

Margaret

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