GETTING READY FOR THE HIGH HOLY DAYS: 5775

GETTING READY FOR THE HIGH HOLY DAYS: 5775

Because I am in the middle of moving—I know, who moves during the High Holy Days? Well, apparently a lot of people, and this year, I am one of them! But, I digress, I had a whole High Holy Day program partially written, beginning with Selichot and ending with Simchat Torah. Unfortunately, the move got in the way and I never finished writing the piece. Instead we will pick up with the Yamim Noraim, or Days of Awe and Yom Kippur. Come back next year and I will take you through the whole cycle!

Whether you are Jewish or not, preparing for the High Holy Days is not an easy feat. My suggestion is always to start small and decide on one or two ways that you and your family will observe and celebrate the beginning of the cycle of a new Jewish year. The High Holy Days are actually several holidays combined together, for now we will focus on the interim days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, also known as the Day of Atonement.

Yamim Noraim or Days of Awe

The days between Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) and Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement) are known as the Days of Awe. These are the ten days set aside for repentance and reflection prior to Yom Kippur when we return to our respective houses of worship and ask God for forgiveness for the sins and shortcomings of our behavior in the previous year. The most poignant part of the days is that it isn’t enough to simply reflect on our words, actions and behavior; we must make amends for whatever wrongs we have perpetrated on others. We are taught that before we can be forgiven, we must request forgiveness of those whom we have wronged. It is, however, not our responsibility if they refuse to accept our apologies; it is only incumbent upon us to offer such apologies sincerely.

YOM KIPPUR

Also known as the Day of Atonement, Yom Kippur is the holiest of days in the Jewish calendar. It is one of the fast days of the Jewish year and requires a complete fast of every able-bodied person from sundown on Kol Nidre (the evening before Yom Kippur) until sundown the following day.  The entire day is spent in prayer and contemplation besides the fasting. It is a very powerful day if one focuses fully with kavannah or intentionality.  With that in mind, here are some questions you might have:

Y  How do I teach my children the basic principles of Yom Kippur? These seem like pretty heavy ideas?  Children are quick to understand concepts that adults struggle with when presented in ways that are appropriate for their ages. One of the best books I have found for Yom Kippur is The Hardest Word: A Yom Kippur Story by Jacqueline Jules. It is available on Amazon and is also a PJ Library Book http://www.pjlibrary.org. It is a simple story that tackles some of the most difficult concepts on a level that is appropriate for young children. I have also used it for older children by changing the suggested activities and making it more interactive. My experience is that if you engage your children in a conversation about the context of the story, you can extend the age appropriateness of the story. Try it with your family and see how they respond. Let me know in the comment section; I would really like to know if this book works for you!

Y  What should I do about taking my children to services? Be sincere; don’t try to do too much. If you have children who find it difficult to sit while you read to them before bedtime, you might want to try a children’s service that is shorter rather than taking them to a traditional service that last several hours. You want exposure to be positive not negative.

Y  Should I take off work for the day? My response is “Yes, if at all possible take the day off.” Our culture is geared toward Christian holidays and nobody even thinks twice about being off for Christmas or asking for time off on Good Friday to go to church. But, asking for time off for Yom Kippur? Somehow we become paralyzed when people will learn that we are Jewish. I hope you are able to take the day—restore your spirit and soul and you will be thankful you did.

Y  Should I take my kids out of school for the day? My answer to this is an unequivocal YES! If you are raising Jewish children, and you want them to have a connection to Judaism and to be engaged in Jewish living, thinking and learning, then you have to make participating in the holiday cycle a priority. It isn’t always easy, your decision to pull your child out of school for a day may not be popular with school administration, but in the end, it’s the right decision for your family. (Refer to my September 4 post about talking with school administration.) Even if you ultimately decide sitting in services is not right for your children, you can have a meaningful day together learning about forgiveness and what it means to begin anew each year.

Y  Should my children be fasting and if so, what is the appropriate age? Each child is different and thus should be treated as an individual. Children are not expected to fast until they reach Bat/Bar Mitzvah age—which is 13 and the point at which they take on the obligations of a Jewish adult. Some are able to fast at age 13, others are not. You have to decide what is appropriate for your child. Keep in mind that most children emulate their parents; if you are fasting they will likely want to join you in your fast. Here are some tips I used with my family as our children grew up:

Y  Start small—when our children were young we would stop after Erev (Evening) Rosh Hashanah services for a milk shake on the way home. After Kol Nidre services on Yom Kippur we didn’t stop for milk shakes. Of course the first few years the boys wanted to know why, so we explained that Yom Kippur was a day of fasting and prayer and it would not be appropriate to have a milk shake after services. Instead, we had our milk shake following Break Fast the next day. It became a meaningful tradition for our family and taught them a valuable lesson about fasting.

Y  Because we lived a long way from our congregation, we couldn’t go home between services. On Rosh Hashanah, we went out to eat and it was a great treat. On Yom Kippur, I packed a small cooler with simple food—peanut butter and cheese sandwiches, apples, oranges, juice, and carrot and celery sticks. When they got hungry they could go to the car and get something to eat. They could go as often as they wanted, but I wouldn’t take them out to eat. I also didn’t bring chips, candy, cookies or anything that was considered a “treat”. They got the message and understood that this day was different than all other days. Before they became Bar Mitzvah they were fasting (until I discovered that one of them simply couldn’t fast without getting sick—that was counterintuitive—I made sure he drank some orange juice at least or broke his fast before he got sick).  

WHAT IS BREAK-THE-FAST AND WHY ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE COMING TO OUR HOUSE?

Ah, yes, another tradition everybody forgot to tell you about. Well, it’s like this: after fasting for the past 25 hours (24 aren’t good enough, we have to make sure the sun has set so we go the extra hour), everyone is starving and needs to eat. And, just because we may have spent the past 12 hours praying together, we aren’t quite finished with one another. So, we come together to eat….. Take heart, nobody expects one person to do all the preparation anymore, and simple food will do nicely. In most communities you can order trays of food that will be delivered the day before (bagels, lox, whitefish, fruit, and sweets). All you have to do is set everything out when you get home and sit back and watch people devour whatever you put in front of them. Don’t hesitate to ask people to bring dishes of their favorite holiday foods—this is a great trick if you don’t know how to cook kugel, bake challah, or make most of the ritual foods. Simply assign those to someone who does and you will make a new friend!

The one item you must pay attention to is whether you have people who keep Kosher; if you do, please be sure to consult someone for help so you don’t accidentally mix foods that shouldn’t be served together. If you are uncertain, contact me at http://info@interfaithlifecoaching.com and I will help guide you through the process. It can be a slippery slope but with the right preparation you can do this like a pro!

WHY DOES THE CALENDAR SAY 5775?

Calculating the birth of the world is a time-honored tradition that many rabbis attempted. Perhaps the best known and most popular is the one developed by Rabbi Yossi ben Halafta, a sage of the second century C.E. (Common Era).  Rabbi ben Halafta followed the practice of other rabbis and scholars in creating a timeline through the Hebrew Bible using the Exodus narrative and chronology of the texts to establish the beginning of creation. However, he refined his process to a specific day and time.

Those who take the texts literally believe the world began 5775 years ago come September; the rest consider it a figurative date. To read more about this visit this link: http://www.myjewishlearning.com/holidays/About_Holidays/Types_of_Holidays/Fiveyearcalendar/CountingJewishYear.shtml?p=2.

Come back next week and I will (hopefully) have posted information about Sukkot, Simchat Torah and Shimini-Atzeret! In the interim, may you have a meaningful fast and may the Days of Awe be a time of illumination and enlightenment for you.

L'Hitraot,

Margaret