THE INTERFAITH CENTER
Teaching the Teachers
September 4, 2014
When it
comes to creating the right school environment for our children, we
will do whatever we can to ensure their needs are being met. We research
neighborhoods and communities before deciding where to buy homes and often base
those decisions on the quality of the schools. For those who choose not enroll
their children in the public schools, much deliberation is goes into deciding
which private school is the best fit for your family. Unless you are
contemplating a school associated with your particular religion, you may not
have given much thought to how the topic of your family’s faith tradition will
be impacted by your decision, until you give notice that your children will be
absent for a holiday. Suddenly, you are the expert and the person who must
explain the need for them to miss school for a day or two. This prospect may be
daunting, but stop worrying, that’s what I’m here for; the information you need
is a click away at www.interfaithlifecoaching.com.
In a few
easy steps by reading through this blog post and following up on some of the
resources, you can have enough information to feel confident in approaching the
personnel in your children’s school.
OFFER INFORMATION
What? Me? Give the teachers and principal information about Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur? I don’t even know what they mean; I have enough trouble explaining it to my parents, my husband, my wife, my kids…. How am I supposed to explain it to people at school?
Relax, this
isn’t a dissertation, it’s only a few highlights about the importance of each
holiday and why you want your children to be excused from school to celebrate
at your synagogue with your family. There are so many resources available here
are a few to get you started:
Y
If
your children have started Religious School look through their materials to see
what they have brought home about Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Choose a few
major points like Rosh Hashanah is the Jewish New Year and Day of Remembrance
and Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement and explain that they are celebrated
with prayer and fasting (in the case of Yom Kippur for adults and children over
age 12) in temple. Try to make the point that your children won’t have an
opportunity to do their make-up work that day as we refrain from these
activities (some schools expect students to return the next day with all the
work they missed completed.)
Y
Visit
some websites to see what they have about the holidays. Here are a few to
peruse: your congregational website, www.urj.org;
www.uscj.org/, www.myjewishlearning.com, http://pjlibrary.org/ (for families with
children 8 and under), www.amazon.com has
hundreds of children’s books to choose from and lets you preview most of them;
Y
Try
going to your public library to see if they have any children’s book on the
holidays, or visit your library’s website and see what you can get from an
interlibrary loan;
Y
Consider
beginning your own family library, a couple of great sources are: On the Doorpost of Your House, by
Chaim Stern, The How to Handbook of
Jewish Living (there are three volumes or one book containing all three
volumes), by Kerry M. Olitzky, Ronald H. Isaacs and Dorcas Gelabert; At Home with the Jewish Holidays,
Leona Green. These are all available on www.urj.press.com
or through Amazon.
SHARING A CALENDAR
This is such a simple
idea that I am embarrassed to admit that it never occurred to me when my
children were growing up. But it’s such a great tool for the school
administration and such a great way to be proactive. If you remember from the
last blog post we talked about ways you could be proactive and what that
means—this is being proactive in action. There are many calendar programs to
choose from online, just make sure you choose one that shows the holidays
beginning in the evening. Google, Apple and Outlook all have calendar programs
that you can add to your computers, phones and pads/tablets.
Here are
some good choices: http://www.hebcal.com/, http://www.printableJewishcalendar.com, http://www.creative-calendars.com/hebrew-calendar/ and my favorite, http://www.holidays.net/calendars/religions/, because it lists Jewish, Christian,
Muslim, Baha’i, Wiccan, Buddhist, Hindu and Pagan. Another great idea is to get free calendars
from your congregation and distribute them to your school. Most monument
companies (yes the places that make the headstones for gravesites) provide them
free of charge to the synagogues; if you contact the monument companies
directly and tell them why you want several, they will probably send you some.
This is a
great tool for your workplace as well as your children’s school. How many times
have you learned that not only a school program or sport activity is scheduled
for Yom Kippur, but an important meeting is taking place the same day? Our
world is oriented on a Gregorian calendar that is largely focused on Christian
holidays. While it is changing to some degree, the majority of Americans still have
mono vision—everybody goes to church on Sunday.
I would be
remiss if I didn’t extend a word of caution at this point. There is so much
information online and it is so easy to stumble upon something that looks right
but might not be quite what you think it is. So, please be cautious. If you
have reservations about a site, ask someone if it is legitimate or if there is
a better site under your particular circumstances. If you are in an interfaith
relationship, you want a website that embraces families of both faiths, doesn’t
proselyte, and doesn’t have hidden agendas. If an egalitarian perspective is
important to you, meaning men and women share the same roles and have equal
voices in leadership, then look at websites from more progressive movements
instead of very traditional ones. And, finally, there are some messianic
movements that look and feel like Judaism, but are not within the scope of
mainstream Judaism. This will be a discussion for another time. Confused? Email
me at info@interfaithlifecoaching.com and we can talk about all of this
and more!
IT’S MORE THAN A CALENDAR!When you approach a school or your workplace with a calendar of your holy days, you are doing more than offering some information. You are taking the initiative toward changing the culture of your place of business, your children’s school and your community. It’s not easy to be a change agent, but I find it more meaningful to be an active participant than a passive observer. We live in some uncertain times and it is natural to feel that it may not be in your best interest to call attention to yourself or your children. I can understand that concern and ambivalence—you are the only one who can determine whether or not the time is right to speak up. I hope it is because the more people who step forward the better for everyone. This is true regardless of your religious affiliation, but this is a topic for another day!
While you
are offering your calendar, keep in mind that many school districts and
organizations plan more than one year in advance. Be forward thinking by
offering a multi-year calendar that shows major holidays for up to five years.
This may not be important for Christian holidays, but if you are part of a
religion that operates on a lunar (Muslim and Baha’i) or modified lunar
(Judaism) calendar you know holidays move each year.
Passover
sometimes coincides with Easter but not always which is why spring break may
fall during Passover and it may fall before or after. Ramadhan can fall anytime
during the year; this is critical for school administrators to understand. If
it has been on a summer cycle and you come in to talk about having your child
released from lunch, they may not understand why you are asking now and not
last year. From the perspective of school administrators, it is very hard to
plan with a moving target so make it easier on them. Just as Interfaith Life Coaching is offering
you a toolbox of resources, you can offer the same to those with whom you work,
study and associate.BEYOND THE CALENDAR!
We will talk more in the coming weeks about other ways you can become engaged in conversations that concern diversity in the schools, workplace and community. In preparation you might want to find out if your school district has a diversity council or your community a diversity awareness program. Many corporations also have programs through their human resources departments. All of these are potential areas that you can make a difference for yourself and your family. This will help you in your quest to understand your religious values and those of your partner’s while embracing faith, family and tradition.
I look forward to continuing our conversation; contact me at info@interfaithlifecoaching.com.
L’shalom,
Margaret
As part of an interfaith family, I often have trouble properly explaining that we celebrate different holidays. Yes, I'm a Jew but my family will not be joining me for RH or YK. Several years after my conversion, I'm only just becoming comfortable with admitting to outsiders that I DO celebrate Christmas. That's because my children were raised with Christmas and choose to continue. It does not make me less of a Jew.
ReplyDeleteHi Linda, thanks for your comments. I meet with a lot of people who have the same concerns you mention. Sometimes saying less is better--for example you can simply say "I am Jewish, the rest of my family is ...." And let it go. If someone is genuinely interested you may choose to continue the conversation, or not. As for the Christmas tree, since you have children who were raised Christian I think it's entirely reasonable that you have a tree and celebrate with your family. The whole point is to decide what works for your family and move in that direction. Converting after children are born and your family is established involves a different kind of planning. You are just as Jewish as the next person, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
DeleteRegarding the calendar, I find that many calendars have Jewish holidays on them, but people do not know their significance. To add to the confusion, everyone knows non-religious Jews who work on Yom Kipur and that seems to argue against our need for a day off. I dont think the public schools do us any favors by comparing Hanukkah to Christmas and calling December "The Holidays." This is just an excuse to celebrate Christmas. No harm in that, but it suggests that the only legitimate time to observe your most important days is at the end of the year. Americans can graduate with complete ignorance of the most important holidays of every religion except Christianity. Not teaching religion in school is great, but not teaching ABOUT religion in school is a shame.
ReplyDeleteLinda, you have again hit on several key points! Most people can't distinguish between secular and religious, or at least somewhat observant, Jews. Christianity is built upon a faith belief; Judaism is built upon birth or conversion. For those of us born into Judaism, we are Jewish whether we choose to practice or not. These are vastly different models. I wish there was a way to convince the schools that the course they have chosen is far more harmful than they realize. Ultimately the only way "holiday" celebrations will change is for parents to demand change. Keep reading; we will keep discussing these and other topics!
ReplyDelete